she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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