I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
