i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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