I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize