My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
