Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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