when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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