I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize