He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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