So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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