i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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