Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
