i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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