I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
