Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
