Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She bit a glass in half.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
