I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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