This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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