i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
