Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The adults are the big ones right?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
