You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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