my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
