420 ftw
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
