Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We need a shit load of segways right now
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
