You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize