i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
