We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My balls are so social today.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
