Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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