if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
