Sry I called you an 8
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
