I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
