Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize