Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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