You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
