I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize