I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
