i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
