the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
