Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
