I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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