So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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