I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Your cock deserves a montage
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
