Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
