two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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