So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
