I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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