i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize