I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
