I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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