Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
