He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
