yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
