Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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