He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
