I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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