Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
