i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
