her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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