I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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