Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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