The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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