I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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