We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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