I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
