I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
