from now on my penis is your penis
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
