What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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