Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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