I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My cat gives me a boner
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
