mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize