I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
