I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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