Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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