My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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