this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
