help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
