No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
