She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
