Buhtt sex?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
