I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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