It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
