Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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