i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
