First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
