I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
