dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
