why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
3pm strippers are depressing
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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