Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
