I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
