Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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