I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
