I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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