I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
